


Always Check The Alcohol Content

by HyperactivePuppy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol, Altean Alcohol is much stronger than earth alcohol, Drunk Lance (Voltron), Gen, Happy Birthday Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron)-centric, Pool Party, Sick Lance (Voltron), Sickfic, Sort Of, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Vomiting, birthday fic, caretaker shiro, puke, space dad to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 01:10:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20017807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperactivePuppy/pseuds/HyperactivePuppy
Summary: It's Lance's birthday and the paladins decide to throw him a pool party. Unfortunately none of them know how much stronger Altean cocktails are.





	Always Check The Alcohol Content

**Author's Note:**

> This is a birthday fic for Lance! Written very hurriedly today because I kept putting it off XD. Hope you enjoy!

~HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY LANCE!~

Keith stared at the sign, tilting his head to the side. “What do you think?”

“Perfect,” Pidge replied, getting down from the stepladder she had used to fasten streamers all around the room. 

The whole pool room on the castle had been turned into a party zone. Streamers and balloons filled every available space and Coran had even set up a poolside bar at one end of the room. That was, after he fixed the gravity so the pool could actually be used. 

Now all that had to be done was wait for the birthday boy himself.

As soon as they realized it was Lance’s birthday, the paladins set their heads together to make the day as special as they could. They all knew how much Lance missed home. It had been Keith’s idea to have the party by the pool since Lance lived by the ocean and would probably enjoy the water. 

Apparently, he was right, because when Lance stepped into the room, led by Hunk, he immediately started crying. 

“Lance! Oh no...Quiznak. Don’t cry!” Hunk tried to console his best friend. 

Lance sniffed, wiping his eyes as he tried to regain control of his emotions. “I’m sorry. Sorry. Just...wow. This is so nice. It’s...like home.”

Hunk pulled him into a hug, holding him for a good minute before finally releasing him. “Happy birthday, Lance.”

“Anddddd time for drinks!” Coran called enthusiastically from his mini bar. 

“Drinks?” Lance looked at them with wide eyes. 

“Well yeah,” Pidge said matter of factly. “You’re turning twenty one.”

“And you are not. So you aren’t drinking anything,” Shiro interjected with a stern look. 

“Oh come on, Shiro. I’m legal in some places of the world. Besides, space doesn’t exactly have drinking laws...does it?”

She looked to Coran who began a very detailed speech about the complicated drinking laws on Altea. Most of which was lost to all of them. 

“So, Lance. What do you want to try? Coran apparently dabbled in mixology on Altea...although all the drinks sound quite confusing.” Hunk laughed. 

“Hm…” Lance looked over the menu Coran set in his outstretched hands. “What’s your best summer cocktail?”

“Ah, you’ll wanna try the Twiztile Tizztacker,” Coran said, already pulling out bottles of weirdly coloured liquid. 

“Sorry, the what?”

“Oh it’s a classic! Used to be a favourite of mine when I was your age.”

Lance quickly recovered his surprise over the name and nodded eagerly. “Right, I’ll try one!”

“One Twiztile Tizztacker coming up!”

Lance took one sip of the drink and his eyes blew wide with delight. “Omg guys you have to try this. It’s so good!” 

Three minutes later the drink was gone and had been replaced by a new bluish cocktail. 

And the party commenced. The pool, it turned out, was much cooler than an earth pool. It had built in waterslides and wavepool settings that could be turned on by a switch. 

The paladins spent hours playing around with all the cool features before returning to Coran’s poolside bar for drinks to relax with. And cake of course. Because you couldn’t have a birthday party without cake. 

Lance ate three slices of the cake, grinning and laughing the whole time. He was on top of the world. Altean drinks were way cooler than earth cocktails and their castle ship had the coolest pool in the world. This was the best birthday ever!

“This is so great! Thank you! I love you all so much!” Lance gushed to his friends, moving to hug each of them in turn and spilling bright orange drink all over Shiro’s shirt in the process. 

“He’s wasted,” Pidge announced, shaking her head. 

“Pidggggeee!” Lance whined, turning to her with sad puppy dog eyes. “‘m not drunk. Jus’ had a ‘lil.”

“Yeah...just a little…” Pidge looked at Coran who was busy mixing another drink. “Coran, how much alcohol is in an average Altean cocktail?”

“Well, I don’t know about your earth drinks but Altean drinks hold about 4 of your earth ounces of alcohol.”

“WHAT?!” Shiro gaped at Coran in horror. “You practically fed them pure alcohol. How much did you drink?” The last question was directed at Lance who was now leaning against the table. 

“Mm… Some. A coup’l. *hic* dunno.” He giggled. “Altean alcohol’s good.” He held out his empty glass to Coran, lips tilted in a dopey smile. “Can I have ano’ther?”

“No no no. That’s quite enough for you,” Shiro said, reaching out to pull Lance away from the bar. “Coran, can we get some water?”

Lance pouted, slumping in Shiro’s arms. “But why! ‘m havin’ fun…”

Shiro dragged Lance over to one of the lounge chairs, propping him up before going back for the water. “Here, drink.” He handed the glass to Lance. 

Lance took a sip and immediately spat it out. “Ew! Why did you give me water?!”

Shiro let out a heavy sigh. “Because you’ve had quite enough alcohol for now, Lance.”

Lance stared into the cup, pouting. Then a strange look came across his face. His eyebrows pinched together, lips pursed in confusion. “I feel…” He waved his arm around, looking for the right word. “Not good.”

“Wow, very intelligent, Lance,” Keith deadpanned.

Lance shook his head, swallowing. “No I...think ‘m gonna be sick.” He lurched off the chair, staggering a few metres before his foot caught on the edge of a chair and he was sent to his knees. The motion was too much for his queasy stomach. He barely got a hand under his mouth before watery vomit spewed out of his mouth. His hand did nothing against the onslaught, only making the mess worse. Lance shuddered and brought up another mouthful of sick, this time spilling it all down his front.

Keith and Pidge stood in shock, watching the scene unfold with horrified eyes. Hunk looked like he wanted to help, but before he or anyone else could make a move, Shiro darted forward toward their hurling teammate.

He grabbed Lance around the chest, pulling him back so he wouldn’t fall into the mess that coated the floor. By this point, Lance was so out of it, he could barely hold himself up. He flopped against Shiro, groaning.

“Don’ feel s’ *hic* good,” he mumbled, chest jolting as he hiccupped.

“Yeah...Didn’t think so.” Shiro ran his hand over Lance’s back, soothing away the tension that had gathered there. “Come on, bud, let’s get you to the bathroom.”

“Mm…” Lance nodded, eyes sliding closed. 

Shiro sighed and lifted him up, grimacing when some of the puke transferred to his own shirt. He was so having a shower after this. The amount of times he had to look after pukey paladins…

“Come on, that's it. Here we go.” He kept up a muttered commentary as he guided Lance into the pool bathroom and maneuvered him into one of the stalls.

Lance fell to the floor immediately, wrapping his arms around the toilet and sticking his head over the bowl. He heaved, entire body shuddering as his stomach fought to bring up more of the weird Altean drinks. “Hnn…*hic* y-yuck.” He spat into the toilet, groaning. “Hate this.”

Shiro knelt down next to him and rubbed his back, sighing. At least Lance’s hair was short so he didn’t have to worry about holding it back. But a sick Lance was a whiny Lance and a sick, drunk Lance was a nightmare. This was going to be a long night.

About ten minutes later, Shiro wasn’t really sure how long, there was a knock on the bathroom door. He straightened up, turning his aching neck to see who dared enter the puke warzone. 

It was Keith. A very anxious, slightly queasy looking Keith. Right, of course, anything puke related freaked the red paladin out—be it himself who was throwing up, or someone else. Which was why it surprised Shiro to see him standing in the doorway, holding a glass of water as if it might burn him.

“Thought Lance might want something to drink…” he mumbled, setting the glass down on the floor and stepping hurriedly back toward the door.

Shiro smiled, hand still on Lance’s back. “Thanks. Think we’re almost done here.”

Keith nodded, eyes flitting from Lance to the door and back again. “Well...I’m gonna…”

“Go. It’s okay. I’ve got it covered.”

Keith left quickly, letting the door fall shut behind him.

“Was’at Keef?” Lance mumbled, lifting his head to look blearily at Shiro.

“Yeah.” Shiro couldn’t help but smile. “Think he’s worried about you.”

“Hmm..” Lance sighed. He flopped back down, resting his cheek on the toilet seat. “‘M never drink’n again,” he said adamantly.

“Yeah, yeah. Just wait til’ your next birthday,” Shiro chuckled, resuming the gentle circular motions on Lance’s back.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on my tumblr ^.^ hyperactivepuppy.tumblr.com


End file.
